


"Forget" not once.

by demdrabstho (isalana)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cole - Freeform, Dorian - Freeform, F/M, Fade Shenanigans, Fluff, Sera - Freeform, So much angst, Solavellan, Spirit Cole, its fun til it hurts, maybe multi chapter, still thinking about it, that should be the title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:34:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4956958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isalana/pseuds/demdrabstho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas can't help but continue to be drawn to Ellana Lavellan. Not only in the Fade but in the Waking world. His composed nature breaks as 'nature' takes over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Forget" not once.

Dirty and soon to be new scars spread across her body. Tired, Ellana excused herself from her friends. She traveled alone  along the long grass, and saw exactly what she was looking for, the elven ruin from a few months ago. It once held a fade rift that spouted out green wisps. She remembers the wind blowing off the freshwater and giving her the reminder of home. Unable to conjure magic herself the cold water of the river or lakes she used to bathe along the clans travels would stay cold, unless her clan had to bathe together then the mages in the clan would heat the water. Although it was nice, the nostalgia of the cold refreshing water had come upon her during her time at Skyhold where the only kind of water to bathe in was warm water.

Ellana walk towards the bank of the river and dipped her bare feet into it. A sigh escaped her throat. It already brought her back to her days with the clan, with her family and old friends. 

Ellana released her body from the confines of her armo r and underclothes. She slowly dipped herself into the cold freshwater and just floated along the surface of the slow river current. Ellana undid her flaming hair and allowed the sweaty, unruly strands free to float around her. She looked to the sky and watched how the  clouds moved. 

Thoughts crossed her mind; of her situation, of her mark, of the inquisition, of her family, of her inner circle, of Solas. Solas. The thought of him has occurred more than once. More than she'd like. Ever since that moment in the fade, their faces were almost touching, lingering around each other. But something pushed her back, it might have been him. She could never recall what did, doesn't matter how hard she tried, she could never see it in her memories as if wiped.

Ellana sighed once again, the water washed away most of her stresses and worries but Solas remained. There was something about him, something wrong but right. She never assumed he could have ulterior motives but noticed he was hiding something. Something large. She could never place what though. He risked a lot to help, why? She noticed the constant observation, was it observation. She would spin around and he would keep his stare, in fact looking up to meet her eyes. There was something in his eyes.

Ellana placed her feet to the ground and stood in the water. The water reached just above her waist, she walked towards the bank and sat on the mud, grabbing the water and splashing her face. Rubbing the muck and blood from it. And doing the same for the rest of her body, giving everything a good scrub. 

After cleansing her body, Ellana walked back into the water but bending her legs allowing the water to reach over her mouth. 

-snap- 

A snap of a stick caused Ellana to flinch, stand and turn, wide eyed she saw the elven apostate. She quickly knelt slightly to cover her chest. Red faced she called out to Solas. He looked up at her, slightly surprised that she had come here of all places. Ellana's bright blue eyes studied Solas, he was already shirtless. Obviously had the same idea as herself. She felt her cheeks change to a pinker shade. 

"Ir abelas Inquisitor." Solas gracefully bowed his head.

"It's fine Solas, I don't mind." Truthfully it caused slight embarrassment but nothing on the level of intimidating, but Ellana just had to imagine him as one of her clan and she never minded bathing with them. But Solas was different.

Solas smiled softly and removed his pants. Leaving his small cloth covering his genitals on his body he moved into the water. Ellana turned and purposely looked away, she wished not to be a pervert.

"By the way Solas, you can call me Ellana." She could feel the lukewarm water that washed up from Solas' magic. It was a nice change but she moved further away to embrace the cold water once again. 

"You are the Inquisitor, I should call you as such."

Ellana still refused to look at Solas, he was a head taller than her and surely most of his body would be out of the water rather than in it.

"Yes, but I'm sure-" Ellana look towards Solas and he was closer than she expected. She watched his eyes as they traveled her face. 

"You need some healing, those are going to scar otherwise."

Ellana felt shy, it was unusual to feel such a way. Solas was walking closer to her, though the water wasn't getting warmer, did he get the mess age before.

Ellana felt stunned in the eyes of Solas. Something struck her and made her freeze. Solas strode up and place a hand on her cheek, which were now blazing with heat. A soft blue light emitted from his hand and she felt the calming effect of healing magic. Ellana found herself leaning into his palm. His large hands were able to hold her face nicely. She closed her eyes and found herself lost in his touch. Such a simple act, yet she was able to find every thought washed away by the touch.

"Solas..." She whispers, the memory. The dream is rushed back to her and made her lose her balance. HE pushed her away, he said he wants to more than the world but he can't, and pushed her away making the dream come abruptly to an end. Which led to a quick awakening. 

She came to and felt an arm around her waist, the man was holding her. She gained her footing and stood up. She moved her face off of Solas' hand and looked up at him. Ellana placed her hands along his cheek and stood up to her tippy toes and planted her lips on his. And she could feel him melt. He stood still, his arms slowly moving into her. 

She removed her lips from his, and hopped back into the water, he fell to her level and roughly pulled her into him and moved his mouth on to hers. She felt the desperation, the confusion, the sa dness and the want. She wanted to see more. To see more of him. 

Ellana was the first to pull away, Solas sigh ed in disappointment. "Solas, please talk to me."

"Vhenan, you are my vhenan."

The term caught Ellana by surprise, a little taken back really. For Solas to confess something so personal... " vhenan ?"

He  nodded and pressed his forehead into the crook of her neck, "vhenan."

Ellana smirked, "vhenan." She wanted to hear him say it a million times into her ear. Whispered during the most intimate moments, moaned during the most intense. 

Solas brought his head up and softly look directly into her eyes, she didn't want to break the look he gave. His gaze gave her stomach something to roll about. Ellana studied the blue eyes that peered into her, wanting to find the soul within him. She could say that she saw too much. She saw the sadness and the loss, the hopelessness and the conviction , but love was shown by itself . She couldn’t tell how his eyes could show so much, she wondered about her own eyes , if they showed just as much as his.

She wished she didn't show as much as him, but felt she showed so much more. She smiled at him and felt giddy. He smiled back and shook his head.

"Do you know where we are vhenan?" Solas whispered into her ear. It sent shivers down her spine and she wanted more.

She looked around, it caused doubt in her mind. "The Exalted Plains, right?"

He chuckled, "not exactly."

Ellana smiled and laughed, "you can't be serious? The fade?"

He chuckled with her, "yes the fade." He kissed her forehead. She felt a sadness from him.

"So everything I've felt... You've felt..." It clicked, his emotions poured into the fade, hers probably more. She swore within herself. 

"You should wake up vhenan."

* * *

 

She slowly opened her eyes and saw Solas sitting beside her . His head in his hands. "Vhenan?" He looked at her surprised by her voice. 

"I'm sorry vhenan." He placed a light kiss on her lips, "forget," he whispered into her.

Solas stood and left. He dared to turn back to see a tear slowly make its way down Ellana's cheek as she slowly closed her eyes and fall back to sleep.

He walked briskly from her quarters making sure no one saw him. He wanted to scream and fight against himself, he could keep making her forget whenever he couldn't control himself. He wanted her for real, not just in the fade, not just in the waking world, but every moment from this point on wards . He wanted her real and not. He wished to just create her in the fade and he prayed that one day he will and not just walk upon her dreaming having his impulses become more than just impulses but actions.

He couldn't live a lot longer like this. He will have to make himself forget, but will he do it all over again once forgotten. He finally reaches his desk and punches down hard onto. Punishing the hard surface has become a often occurrence. Ever since her. Ever since she had changed him. She made him question every thing he thought about this world. He had seen the worst of this world, he would of never assumed that the best of this world would take him as she did.

She was soft and loving. He could remove her from his mind. He tried tea and meditation, even painting didn't remove her from his mind. He resorted to sketching but would catch himself starting to sketch out her, rather than the normal memories. He knows even when this world is gone by his hand, the hardest thing will be knowing that she will be gone, gone from the world, waking and dreaming. But alive in his head, taunting him of a life he could of lived, rather than the one he chose.

But he shook it off, he was to save the People, restore the Empire to what it was. Solas would of loved to see her in this world, to brought a secret joy to his heart. A joy he rarely expressed, a joy that reminded him of his decision. 

Last night could happen again and each time erasing her memories of the time they had together, for the future pain he will cause. He knows she won't let him get away so  easily, she loves him. And he hates that he has to deny her. 

Solas laid on his couch and covered himself with a blanket, hiding his head below it, cursing and holding back the emotion that threatens to reveal themselves. 

"Solas?" A quiet tired Inquisitor was on the other side of the room.

He has to keep himself collected. He quickly wipes his face of any fly away tears. Clearing his throat he peeks from his blanket. Only allowing his eyes to be revealed afraid of a bubbling lip. She smiled softly at him.

"You look cute underneath that blanket." He felt his heart clench, if only she knew.

"I have a terrible morning face." He heard his voice croak, luckily she thought he only just woken up himself. 

She laughs hard, "are you sure  its not just your face?"

He smirks beneath the blanket, "I'm sure, what brings you here this morning?"

Ellana's soft smile turned slowly into a frown, "it's my dreams, I was wondering if you could help me make sense of them."

Solas swallowed hard but felt his throat tighten, "what is wrong with them?"

She begins to pace, "I.. Well, you were in them. I can barely remember them, but every time you just push me roughly away, I feel like I should know what happened but I don't. It's happened twice. I don't know, I'm probably worried about nothing."

He nodded, "yeah it's just the fade, it can be pretty unpredictable. It shapes around your emotions."

She sighed, "I know but I don't see how my emotions, could shape these. I mean if they..." A light shade of pink fell upon the light skin of the Inquisitor, she cleared her throat, "I'm sorry Solas to trouble you, it's probably nothing." She turned on her heels and begun to walk out the door, "Solas, if it's not too much trouble, would you," Ellana took a deep breath, "would you like to join me in gardens for a walk or something, I don’t know, I think I'm just going to go." She started walking out.

"Wait," Solas asked with barely a whisper, "let me think on it."

He slunk deeper underneath his blanket and groaned. Everything he's been wanting to avoid, yet wanted it so bad. It was hard to erase waking memories compared to the dreaming ones. But it could be done.

"You can't avoid her forever." A chuckle came from above. Rage flared from Solas as Dorian was watching the whole situation fan out.

He sighed and removed the blanket and sat at his desk. Fidgety and restless he began to roam around  Skyhold, walking gracefully through the training soldiers and scouts, and the servants. Cole slowly join walked behind him.

"She just want to know you better." Cole whispered to Solas.

Solas shook his head, "how am I supposed to?" 

"She would love you anyways."

Solas  sighed . Cole had often come to him to convince him to go to the Inquisitor. Soon he would bend and give in to temptation. "You can't be sure of that."

"I am, she doesn’t dream of you when you visit her. They always end happy, but she is confused when some end bad, she never wants it to end but it does. She remembers them so clearly with her mark but the fuzziness of the others make it hard to know why they were bad."

"Cole, they hate me for setting them free. They shun me as if I was the one to..."

"Their screams, it was needed, must have been. There was no other way. They will understand. They will know that it is for the best. Too tired to help. Must regain... Nothing."

"Please Cole, I don't need to hear it. I appreciate the help, but how could she forgive me for making her forget? How could she accept me as who I was known?"

"She will forgive, she loves too much. She wants to give too much. She will be confused and angry but she will forgive."

Solas stopped in the garden. The Crystal Grace had begun to bloom, Solas saw them in the first moments he awoke, it was the first time he had seen one. He thought something so beautiful would of existed back in his time. H e believed that the first moments of bloom was one of most beautiful times of the flowers life. So short but the most beautiful as the white buds slowly changes to the blue. Starting from the bottom of the flower and slowly overcoming the entire flower. The petals separating from the top and slowly making their departure to the base of the flower.

Solas  sighs , he wants to give it t o her. He wants to give everything to her. Every single part of him to her. His stomach stirs and heart aches at the thought of the previous night. Every part of him to every part of her. 

* * *

 

Weeks had passed and Ellana hadn't seen Solas. He's avoided her ever since she asked about 'hanging out'. She had face palmed herself for that. She should of just screamed 'FUCK ME' to him. She had even requested him to come with her to close rifts and do other missions but he turned down everything. She would try to catch him at almost any time, but she would miss him by minutes or hours. She would wait for a while and he wouldn't come back. 

She walked into the kitchen, the cooks and servants surprised by the visit,  apol ogised to their Herald about the mess. Ellana calmed them and said it was fine, she just came by to cook also. She had missed it from her time with her clan. All the things she missed with the clan and cooking was one of them. 

She walked to the bench and created some dough out of sugar, flour, eggs and a pinch of milk. She rolled the dough out with the rolling pin and picked off a bit and started to eat it. The taste gave memories of the Keeper showing her how to make the biscuits.  Ellana's parents were both hunters and had no skill in cooking anything other than what they caught, so skinning, gutting and cooking meat was never a problem. But baking, or cooking anything other than, was something not of common knowledge to Ellana. But cookies was something the Keeper was re nown for in the clan, so Ellana made a point to learn the recipe  through out her teens.

She rolled  crushed almonds in to the dough and begun to cut out a circles and place them onto a tray. The ovens in Skyhold were so much more practical than the one in the clan, considering that the clan oven had to move and Skyhold was a one stop kind of place. She was happy to have a fully functional oven with hardly any problems with heat. She placed the cookies within the oven and waited for them to cook. 

Sera had mentioned that she likes cookies but not raisins. Ellana chuckled at the memory, rooftop cookies, it became a often event. Sera would make random cookies, experimenting with different ingredients. Ellana had decided it was her turn to make the cookies and share a piece of her with her eccentric friend. 

"Inquisitor." A voice walked softly on her ears that made her stomach flutter.

Ellana turned and looked at Solas, he looked tired and serious, " Solas? Where have you been?" She walked closer to the bald elf.

He walked closer to her, "I can't help myself  any more ." 

"What do you--" Solas grabbed Ellana by the waist and planted his lips against hers and as quick as it started it finished.

Wide eyed and blank minded. Ellana pinched herself, hard. Making sure she wasn't dreaming was a good start. Now that she wasn't dreaming she took a step back out of Solas' grasp. "Is that your way of accepting my offer?" She playfully passes the kiss off.

"If it is still available." Solas' face was red and he was huffed.

"Of course."

"Then yes, I would love to walk through the gardens with you." Ellana sniffed the air, the scent of cookies wafted through them. She quickly turned and opened the oven and saw the cookies crispy brown, "perfect." Ellana spoke to herself under her breath.

"You cook?" Solas was intrigued.

"Well that's about my knowledge right there." Ellana chuckles, her mind still lingered on the  kiss,  it was rough and desperate. She always dreamt soft and loving. Maybe it was in the moment of impatience and she kind of liked that more. That he wanted her with such intensity that it overcame him. "Once they cool, you are welcome to one or two. But I made them for Sera."

Solas sniffs the air and nods, as if it was approval. Ellana shook her head, "is that all you came to do or say?"

Solas looked at her and moves toward her like wind, so graceful and soft. "Yes." He softly spoke.

She wanted to groan when he moved away, he did it on purpose and Ellana caught on right away. The way he spoke and the way he moved, it made her hear his soft loving voice and gave her a whiff of his own scent. She wanted more. To be so close to something she's wanted for so long. It was in the moment, the kiss. And, C reators, she wanted more.

She placed the cookies into a glass container and brought them up to her quarters, to make sure no one steals the cookies with out her permission. Ellana jumped up to her bed and stood there for a while just walking through her memories, she wanted to punch him and hug him all at the same time. It was so unlike him to be so rash and impulsive, he always seemed so in control,  purposefully placing each step, and saying each word with such consideration. Never one mistake nor one misconception. T o see him like this brought excitement. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ^_^ I hope you enjoyed. I'm not sure if I am going to do another chapter. If this gets an alright reception I will probably do one or if I'm feeling motivated and like solavellan trash will most definitely write one.


End file.
